‘Best of’ column blames the name – Leavenworth Times

Amy’s Mailbox | Amy Dickinson

dear Amy: I decided not to change my name when I recently got married.

It’s ridiculous that I’m expected to go through the bureaucratic steps to change my name and identity.

There was no problem between my husband and me. I realize that this position is not common. My decision was based on my career and I didn’t want to hurt the brand I had created in my niche industry.

To my surprise, all the men in my office (I only work with men) do everything they can to sabotage my decision. They introduced me at meetings with my “new” name and even went so far as to ask the IT department to change my email address and send it to all our contacts. As I was changing my email address to my maiden name, I received a lecture from the IT guy who informed me that he would never marry someone like me.

Despite this, my office colleagues continue to address all my correspondence and introduce me to clients and new employees using my husband’s name. I have informed them several times that I will not change my name, but they are “worried” that it will be insulting to my husband.

Dear shocked: The behavior as you describe it is hazing, bullying, unethical, unprofessional and, because it is gender-based harassment, also illegal.

Consult a lawyer. You should write a note to your co-workers, saying: “Despite my repeated requests to be known by my legal name in this office, several co-workers have changed my e-mail address without permission and introduced me under the wrong name in written and oral communications with customers.. This needs to stop.Document everything.

According to a 35-year study published in 2009 by the journal “Social Behavior and Personality”, about 18% of American women married since 2000 have chosen to keep their name. This is hardly outside the norm. [February 2012]

Dear Amy: I was really shocked to read the letter from “Shocked”, who reported workplace harassment because she didn’t take her husband’s last name when they got married. Really? I know almost no woman who has taken her husband’s surname.

Dear reader: When I looked at this, I was surprised to see that, according to a 2009 study in the journal Social Behavior and Personality, about 23% of women kept their maiden name in the 1990s, compared to about 18% in the 2000s. The trend for women to keep their name seems to have reached its peak. [March 2012]

Dear Amy: I got married 18 months ago and I’m still changing my name. It was an endless stream of phone calls, letters, forms to fill out and certified copies of my marriage certificate. I might have done it by our fifth anniversary. Newlyweds, before deciding to change your name, list all the cards in your wallet. Next, list all the email addresses you have; each online shopping account; each organization to which you belong; review bank accounts and list vendors for your invoices; then gather all the legal documents you have for your home, car, insurance, etc. This is the number of companies you need to contact to change your name.

Bravo to the woman who keeps her name. I would like to know.

Dear Exhausted: In my life, husbands may change, but the name remains the same. [March 2012]

Dear Amy: The tendency for women to keep their maiden name as their surname may have reached its peak. In my circle of late-marrying professional women, the tendency is for Susie Middle-Name / Maiden-Name to become: Susie Maiden-Name / His Last-Name at marriage.

Dear ARB: The statistics don’t lie: for women, keeping their name at marriage has become rarer over the past decade. (I wish we would stop using the phrase “maiden name” to describe a woman’s first name.)

Dear Amy: Something like this happened to me. One of my husband’s friends announced, “Well, I’m going to call you ‘Susie Jones’ because that’s what your name should be.”

I replied, “Then I’ll call you ‘Big Fat Jerk’ because that’s what I think your name should be.” I only had to call him once.

Dear owner: Fortunately, he looks like a quick learner. [April 2012]

(C)2022 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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