What is healthy anger and what does it look like? An expert shares his insights | Health
We often associate anger with explosion, violence and hurt, but it can also have multiple benefits such as the ability for clear, honest and kind communication, a strong sense of self and the ability to ask for what which we need. The key to accessing the benefits of anger is regulation. When we are emotionally regulated, we can ride the waves of our emotions in limited and sustained ways. We can approach our emotions and their messages with curiosity, and we train ourselves to communicate what we need assertively. We can reach out to our emotions, of all shapes and sizes, with curiosity, listen and discern the message. (Also read: 10 ways to deal with anger: an expert shares tips)
Sara Aird, storyteller, educator and founder of Breaking Down CPTSD, talked about healthy anger and emotional regulation in her recent Instagram post.
What is emotion regulation?
It is the ability to navigate the full spectrum of your feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant. Having skills to listen and discern the messages of your emotions and being able to communicate how you feel to others is emotion regulation. It helps to choose how you react and act after listening to how you feel. Emotion regulation is not about feeling calm all the time or managing your emotions perfectly or doing whatever your emotions tell you to do.
Emotions are our internal messaging system
They let us know when we’re mourning a loss (sadness), they let us know when we need to slow down and be careful (fear), and when we’re content (contentment). Emotional dysregulation could be described as a backlog of messages without the skills to read them. Over time, the pending messages become stronger and stronger.
What is the message of anger?
The message of anger is centered on limits, responsibility, protection, autonomy and independence. Anger helps us to differentiate and distinguish ourselves from those around us. It monitors our relationship interactions and speaks up when we have been misunderstood, hurt, or invaded. Anger helps us know what is our responsibility and what is another person’s responsibility. Fluid anger will allow you to laugh at yourself with compassion and set your limits with mercy, as both actions stem from the inner strength and honorable self-definition that anger bestows. When your anger can’t take its natural course, you’ll find it difficult to set and maintain your boundaries, you’ll tend to dishonor or mingle with others, and your self-image will be jeopardized by your addiction to capricious opinions from the outside. world.
What is the message of deep, multi-layered anger?
Our boundaries, our sense of self, and our security have been completely invaded and devastated. When deep, multi-layered anger is supported and listened to, instead of being expressed inappropriately, it becomes a call for healing from a devastated and unprotected soul.